The remains of the remainder of the remains of a local motorcyclist have been found in his house after he made the fatal mistake of asking a common question on his local motorcycle forum.“We believe the victim felt the need to ask what oil is best to use for an oil change,” authorities said. “Since this question had been asked approximately 806 times already on this particular forum, we believe he was destroyed so quickly by a firestorm of sarcastic comments that he didn’t even have time to feel pain or finish typing out his question.”
Witnesses in the area claim that the victim, identified as Nick Cage, was working on his motorcycle moments before the accident. “Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary,” said one neighbor. “He got pretty upset about something to do with ‘f*cking from-factory oil filter’ being ‘tighter than a gnat’s ass riding through grass clibbin’s’… whatever that means.”
Out of the thousand hundreds of comments, authorities have identified the following three comments as likely causing Nick to combust.
DooHunky650: “Brotella. You can make it by pouring Rotella oil on yourself and two or three of your closest bros. Then stand over a funnel and rub together until the excess oil drips down into the funnel. Been doing it for years and have never had an issue with my KLR’s mirrors.”
KLR_KARAN_(ADMIN): “Uhm. This question has been asked AND answered MANY times. Please do your part and search before asking. Otherwise, I will have no choice, but to use my power to block or ban you from this forum. Don’t Be Sorry, Be Better.”
KLR?_IHardlyKnowHer: “Ok, so whatcha gotta do is go down to a theatre near you. Buy a popcorn. Ask for extra butter. Get those kernels nice and lubed up. Order a large Coke or Dr. Pepper, either will work. Return home and ship it to my address so I can sit back and watch what’s coming to you.”