Much of North America will experience a solar eclipse on April 8th, causing transition shield owners in that area to act slightly more pretentious than they already are.
“Actually, the official term is Photochromic, but that’s a common mistake for people with HJC helmets,” said Billy Corgan, photochromatic helmet owner (as if he hasn’t told you already.) “Anyways, this old thing? It’s nothing, really. Just the pinnacle of human innovation and style that I wear around on my face like it’s no big deal… although, clearly it is.”
Transition shields were originally invented years ago for the mechanically illiterate who were physically and mentally incapable of taking the 30 seconds needed to just swap out their visor, but lately have grown in popularity amongst the mechanically illiterate who are physically and mentally incapable of taking the 30 seconds needed to just swap out their visor… and also think they’re better than you.
“It’s days like today – and the next eclipse that will hit North America 20 years from now – that I’m so thankful I worked hard enough to afford to pay four times the money for a shield that can protect me from all brightness levels at any given moment,” Billy said. “After all, God and I have a lot in common, we pass judgment and we wouldn’t be caught dead installing a regular, basic light switch… No, we use dimmable switches.”