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‘Oops, Didn’t See Them There,' Lady Rids Herself Of All Guilt After Running Over 12 Motorcyclists

Justice won again this morning as Tanya Weathersby (26) had all 12 cases of vehicular manslaughter dropped after she explained that she simply didn’t see the dozen motorcycles stopped in front of her at a red light – making the whole situation nothing more than a big oopsie doopsie misunderstanding.

Despite the motorcycles and the riders onboard having a cumulative weight of 7,160 pounds – the same as an average Asian Elephant – Tanya explained that it was perfectly reasonable not to see any of their brake lights when you take into consideration the fact that she was 32 texts deep into a juicy group chat.

They really came out of nowhere by being completely stationary at a stoplight like that,” Tanya explained. “It’s a 45mph road, so they were technically like 45 off the posted speed limit. So, my eyes were not calibrated to accommodate for such a difference in speed.”

The trial lasted a total of 15 minutes before it became clear that Tanya couldn’t be blamed since she didn’t see them there.

“This was clearly the right call given the facts,” said the defense. “I mean, you either see something or you don’t. I don’t think it’s fair to ask my client to have any control of their actions in situations like this. If anything, the motorcyclists were asking for it due to how they were dressed.”

To add to her stressful experience, Tanya was also almost charged with a DUI for having a blood alcohol level 3 times the legal limit at the time of the accident. That was, until the jury heard her explanation.

“You see, your Honor, Sundays are bottomless mimosas for brunch, but this place was actually out of orange juice so I had to use pineapple juice and everyone knows it’s really hard to see champagne in pineapple juice. So, in short. I just didn’t see it there.”

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