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'I Used To Bullseye Womp Rats…’ Luke Squidwalker Totally Justified Moving Straight To X-Wing

After some experience in a T-16, a young man in a galaxy far far away feels he’s more than capable of advancing to one of the most powerful machines in the known universe. “All I’m saying is I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home all the time,” said Luke Squidwalker. “Well actually it wasn’t my T-16, it was my cousin’s and he’d let me ride it when I came over.” While actual, professional X-Wing pilots unanimously agree that training and working your way up is the best way to become a great pilot, Squidwalker is confident that he was born with a rare ability to manipulate a mysterious energy field created by the life that binds the galaxy together. Plus, if he started smaller, he’d just ‘grow out of it in a few weeks.’ “Look it’s not about the machine it’s about the pilot’s maturity,” said Squidwalker who still lives with his guardians and complains to his robots in the basement when asked to do simple chores.

Even Squidwalker’s mentor, Obi-Wan McGregor has insisted that he must take the Long Way Round to reach his goals or risk getting absolutely wrecked by Darth Cager.

“I just don’t understand why everyone is trying to push some middle-of-the-range machine on me,” said Squidwalker. “Sure, they look beautiful and I can see myself in it, but at the end of the day it’s just like kissing your sister.”

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