‘Bikes Have Gotten Awfully Expensive,’ Says Moto-Journalists Who Scoff At Every Motorcycle Missing A Quick Shifter, Apple CarPlay, And 37-Axis IMU
‘Bikes Have Gotten Awfully Expensive,’ Says Moto-Journalists Who Scoff At Every Motorcycle Missing A Quick Shifter, Apple CarPlay, And 37-Axis IMU
Motorcycle journalists across the globe gathered today to lament the skyrocketing cost of new bikes, after spending most of the last decade trashing every budget-friendly motorcycle that dared to be built around two wheels and an engine instead of wiring and willy-waving specs.
“MMmmmyes, these manufacturers need to get serious about affordability,” said Crotch Rocket Weekly’s Senior Editor, fresh off a 2,400-word review explaining why there’s no excuse for a $7,999 parallel twin in this day and age to not come standard with adaptive cruise control, radar-guided lane assist, and a biometric fingerprint start system. “I bet manufacturers are filling their pockets with the excess profits. Shows a real lack of character that I haven’t seen since that dreadfully boring GSX-8R.”
Moto-journalists would like to reassure everyone that things will get better so long as the everyday rider puts their money where the journalist’s mouth is.
“Mmmmmlook, all I have to my name is my word and an endless rotation of motorcycles to ride on the manufacturer’s dime,” explained another journalist while sipping an oat milk latte at a press launch in the Canary Islands. “So I feel obligated to be completely honest when I say a motorcycle without Apple CarPlay, blind-spot detection, and a 37-axis IMU that adjusts suspension based on your horoscope might as well be a child’s plaything.”
Despite some rough reviews and losing head-to-head shootouts to bikes twice the price, affordable motorcycle models have seen a recent surge in sales among the small group of riders who need to buy a motorcycle to ride it… all while motorcycle sales overall are falling faster than bruthers on clibbins.
“Oh, pleeeaaase. Correlation does not equal causation. What will really save motorcycling are bikes with riding modes for every day of the calendar year, and that will email your boss directly if you ride on a weekday… seriously, the roads are a bit too crowded these days when I’m riding my long-term test Ducati Multistrada V4 on a Tuesday.”
“Mmmmmlook, all I have to my name is my word and an endless rotation of motorcycles to ride on the manufacturer’s dime. So I feel obligated to be completely honest when I say a motorcycle without Apple CarPlay, blind-spot detection, and a 37-axis IMU that adjusts suspension based on your horoscope might as well be a child’s plaything.”
