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T7 Owners Return ‘Faulty’ Bikes In Droves; Claim Theirs Can't Do A Fraction Of What Pol Tarrés’ Can


Yamaha Ténéré 700 owners across the globe are demanding refunds for receiving what they claim to be ‘faulty motorcycles.’


“All we know is that we ordered the Ténéré that makes wheelies, jumps, and climbing vertical-f***ing walls look easy like the bike Pol Tarrés received… we believe our bikes don’t have ATS (Automatic Talent System) installed,” said the spokesperson for a local Ténérés Without Automatic Talent Systems (T.W.A.T.S.) group.


This defect appears to be hitting the middle-aged male demographic particularly hard with almost none of them able to do basic off-road maneuvers, let alone balance-point wheelies.


“There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to get it up, especially when on the blue stuff.” said one middle-aged T.W.A.T.S. member. “There’s clearly something wrong with the product and not me.”


As of now, it appears Yamaha will not be refunding any of the owners for this reason – citing they cover powertrains, not lack of training.


“Well, I guess we’ll have to flood the used market with Ténéré’s $5,000 over MSRP. Considering all the aftermarket parts and stickers we’ve put into our bikes, and all those dealership fees and taxes… don’t forget taxes. $15,000 for a used bike that’s worth $10,000 new is a deal too good to pass up. Yamaha will never sell another new bike again! MUAHHAHAAHAHAHAH,” said an official T.W.A.T.S. statement.

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