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Sportbike Rider One Pothole Away From Being Sterile

A sportbike rider was recently notified by doctors that he is just one pothole collision away from being infertile. “For every pothole a motorcyclist hits while riding a sportbike, he loses approximately 10% of his sperm count,” said Dr. Yabal Bashings, an andrologist and fertility expert. “We’re seeing more and more young men succumb to what we’re calling the ‘sportbike snip snip.’”

We reached out to Richardo Nomoro, motorcycle engineer from Ducati, to better understand why this is happening to sportbike riders in particular.

“Sportbikes are fitted with a rather aggressive suspension that’s designed to help racers feel every detail of the track throughout their entire body,” said Richardo Nomoro. “Unfortunately, the side effect of approaching race-track perfection is that any small bump in the road will be directed 100% towards the rider’s groin. Nothing we can do about that.”

We followed this up by asking Richardo why Panigale riders, in particular, are seeing alarming rates of infertility.

“It’s a common misconception that our suspension is more prone to ball bashing,” Richardo said. “This is just false. It’s actually the extreme heat our Panigales emit directly at the testicles that causes every Ducati rider to be sterile before they leave the dealership parking lot.”

Doctors also warn riders to avoid “slamming down wheelies,” “Squeezing into leathers that fit 30 pounds ago,” and “riding ‘birth-control bikes’ like the Honda NC 750 X” if they ever wish to have children.

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