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‘So Like, Less Cardio?!’ American Interest In MotoGP Up 1,776% With Announcement Of Sprint Races

While America’s interest in MotoGP has been slowly growing over recent decades, it saw an unprecedented surge in popularity this past weekend as MotoGP announced that Sprint Races will be a part of the 2023 MotoGP season. “These races are exactly like regular MotoGP races, but they’ve been tweaked to appeal more to potential U.S. fans,” said Carmelo Ezpeleta, owner of MotoGP. “For example, these new races require less fitness, smaller attention spans, fewer concerns regarding fuel consumption, and we’ll even prioritize tracks with more left turns to try and bring in the NASCAR crowd.”

With Valentino Rossi retiring and Marc Marquez out, there were some initial concerns regarding whether or not these changes would be enough to grow the U.S. fanbase.

“We mentioned the names ‘Valentino’ and ‘Marc’ in an all-American focus group, and everyone was just confused as to why we were bringing up Valentine's Day in August and insisted that we spelled ‘Mark’ wrong,” Carmelo said.

The American people see this as yet another opportunity to dominate a sprint race on the global stage. “Look, we’re always medal contenders for the 100m, 200m, and 400m,” said one American. “As long as there are no baton passes in MotoGP – and we can keep the Jamaicans at bay – there’s no sprint race we can’t win.”

The Americans are not the only McDonalds-obsessed people excited about this announcement.

“Time for me to shine, Nige!” - Alastair Fagan, 44 teeth.

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