With faces so ugly that even their own manufacturers can only comment on their personalities, a group of motorcycles from the ‘naked’ class can only hope that their nakedness is enough to distract customers just long enough for them to fall in love. “Look, we all can’t meet the unrealistic beauty standards set by the Ducatis of the world,” said a member of the naked-bike community. “Not everyone can spend thousands on cosmetic winglets and don’t even get us started on the fact that so many of those Italian models slip their ‘dry weight’ into their spec sheets like we won’t notice. Bike, please.”
Many of the bikes feel this unfairness in appearance is due to their makers having a cruel sense of humor – even going as far as to give them nicknames to highlight their hideous appearances. For example: KTM 990’s ‘The Sniper’ clearly refers to the fact it looks like it had its headlight assembly blown in by a sniper round. The MT-09’s ‘Dark Side of Japan’ is not-so-subtly referring to it looking like the literal asshole of an entire country where sushi is their primary dish. The Honda Hornet looks like it got stung by a hornet and is out of Benadryl. Despite these setbacks, the naked bike category is determined to double down on its strengths to overcome headlights that make you want to turn off the lights.
“Just ask any reviewer and they’ll tell you how freaky we are in the streets,” said the naked bike. “Plus, we’re affordable, we can get it up, we’re easy to work with, and (most importantly) you can ride us all day, comfortably, without ever having to see our faces.”