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Motorcyclist Who Casually Dodges 4-Ton Vehicles Daily, Terrified Of Grass Clippings

A rider has been paralyzed with fear after witnessing the one thing every motorcyclist is required to say they’re terrified of, for some reason: Little pieces of grass.

“I was just out enjoying my safe little city cruise dancing amongst 4-ton-teenager-driven cars at 1.5x the speed limit when I decided to take a jaunt out to the countryside,” said Bill Denbrough. “At first there was nothing to worry about. Just me, twisty blind corners lined with razor-sharp guard rails, and 10-point-rutting Bucks chasing female deer across the road. But that’s when things took a turn.”

*We would like to take this moment to offer a trigger warning for most motorcyclists out there*

What Bill saw next were grass clippings. Clearly visible very far up the road – giving Bill plenty of time to realize his impending doom.

“My fate was sealed,” said Bill. “Things like oil, ice, and gravel can be hard to see. Out of sight, out of mind. But bright-green grass clippings will usually dance around. Plus, you can sometimes even smell the freshly cut grass or hear the lawn mower in advance.”

Researchers have found that grass clippings grow stronger when they sense fear within their victims. So, giving the motorcyclist ample time to avoid them only makes the motorcyclist panic more, leading to things like poor brake usage and having to ‘LAYERDOWN.’ This strange phenomenon has been coined, ‘Greenerywise The Dancing Ground.’

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