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Motorcyclist Names Bike ‘Old Age’ To Increase Chances Of Dying From Old Age

After considering the tried-and-true methods used by motorcyclists to grow old and die (i.e. practice, knowing their limits, a sprinkle of self-control, defensive riding techniques, wearing gear, avoiding 360-degree cameras, and never riding within 100 miles of Max Wrist), a local rider has decided that the best chance to die of old age is to simply name his motorcycle ‘S.S. Old Age.’ “It’s not a matter of IF you crash but WHEN you crash,” said Eric Gilgamesh. “That’s the advice we twenty-somethings share all the time as ego-insurance-policies for whenever we target fixate on mailboxes. So, I don’t see any other way to ensure I reach the GoldWing years other than naming my motorcycle.” For decades, motorcyclists have given their bikes names in hopes that the bike will have their back if death were ever to catch up to one of those third-gear power wheelies between traffic. Unfortunately, the vast majority of murder victims are killed by someone they know.

“It’s cool as long as me and Old Age here never ride faster than my guardian angel can fly,” said Eric. “And no guardian angel of mine would be caught dead on anything under 1000ccs, so we’re good.”

Upon wrapping up our interview with Eric, a bystander in a car pulled up to ask Eric ‘You know those things are dangerous, right?’

“UGH, I hate when cagers say that,” said Eric. “We get it, there are things outside of our control that creates risk, but there are so many things we as riders can take responsibility for and do that will allow us to enjoy two-wheeled life for many, many years. It’s ridiculous to assume we can only count on dumb luck and superstitions to stay safe… oh, wait.”

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