‘SAW’ Movie star and avid rider of trikes, Billy (the Jigsaw puppet), has announced today that he’s turned over a new leaf by adopting the All The Gear All The Time (ATGATT) mindset.
“I’m done playing games with my life,” Billy said. “Like most riders, I’m surrounded by dangerous things like trees, vehicles, animals, torture devices, human remains, an absurd amount of tape recorders, and – scariest of all – teenage girls texting.”
A recent near-death experience finally got Billy to take riding gear more seriously.
“It was just another day at the office,” Billy said. While waiting for the torture room door to open ominously, I decided to pass the time watching some of the most gruesome, horrific, hard-to-watch videos I’d ever seen: Max Wrist group rides. Once it was time for me to hop on my trike and ride in, I decided to try and get my knee down to show off to the person with their eyelids stapled open, that’s when I lost the front on a slick patch of blood. It was super embarrassing, especially on a trike. Fortunately, the person had their head smashed in moments later.”
As Billy lay there in pain, John Kramer walked in to offer some advice.
“Congratulations, you are alive. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive…. But not you, not anymore.”
Billy is currently shopping for hi-viz bowties and boots.