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‘It’s Less Of A Strain On My Body,’ Sportbike Rider Takes Up Smoking To Justify Longer Riding Breaks

January is the month for resolutions and a local sportbike rider has decided to partake by making 2023 the year he finally takes care of his body… by smoking cigarettes. “It’s about time I finally start taking my physical health seriously,” said Shawn Booth. “I’ve spent years squeezing my 6 foot 3 frame onto a race-replica sportbike designed for 5 foot 5 jockeys… sometimes 3 to 5 times a day. It was just a matter of time before my body gave out.” This isn’t a new habit for Shawn who picked up sportbike riding when he was 16. “I thought it would make me look cool,” Shawn said. “You see people in the movies doing it and advertising makes you think everyone will like having you around. The reality is that it’s just an expensive addiction that most people consider dangerous and obnoxious.”

Shawn has tried quitting several times in the past but was never successful.

“It just relaxes me and helps ease my stress and anxiety,” Shawn said. “Every time I go a few days without riding, I start to get an itch that only my sport bike can scratch.”

When all seemed lost for Shawn, he finally found a solution that helped alleviate the physical discomfort he felt in his wrists, neck, and lower back: smoking.

“Smoking cigarettes is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Shawn said. “Not only do I look cool doing it, but it gives me an excuse to stop after every 10 minutes of riding for a 15-minute smoke break.”

Shawn says his joints feel so good that he’s now able to identify other issues with his body that he has never felt before.

“I had no idea I had asthma, but now that the pain in my joints is gone, I can feel my chest tightening as I do basic physical activities,” Shawn said. “Thank you, cigarettes.”

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