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‘It’s Embarrassing At This Point,’ Enduro Rider Too Far Into Hobby To Ask What Dirt Bike Jerseys Do

Barry Riggs – a lifelong enduro rider – feels it’s a little too late to question the purpose of a $40 glorified long-sleeve shirt that’s two sizes too big (aka Dirt Bike Jerseys). “I really am not sure what they do differently than my normal shirts, but that hasn’t stopped me from purchasing 12 of them,” Barry said. “Lately I’ve been really tempted to ask my riding buddies if they know why we buy them, but after this many years and this much money spent… it’s embarrassing at this point.”

TPO reached out to multiple jersey manufacturers on Barry’s behalf to see if they could provide answers. “Let’s start with the most obvious difference, the padding,” said one manufacturer’s representative. “Our patented-non-patent-tissue-paper-protection helps collar bones shatter into four, not five, pieces when riders faceplant on ruts.” The representative continued.

“Our fabric also allows your nipples to feel a slightly stronger breeze by allowing more airflow to pass through it, although nobody will ever know because everyone wears chest protection and hydration packs over their stuff anyway… Also, it will prevent skin cancer by shielding you from the sun.”

When asked how a fabric designed with thousands of tiny holes to allow more airflow, could simultaneously do a better job than a normal cotton shirt keeping UV radiation from getting through, the rep said:

“Braap!... sorry, that usually gets offroad riders to forget whatever they were talking about. The truth is we’ve never really had to defend this before. Whenever people start questioning these things, we just launch a new neon-colored jersey.”

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