A man who paid $50 to cover his $500 carbon fiber helmet with the severed head of a Sesame Street Reject has announced it's time to finally move on from motorcycling.
“A helmet cover was my last desperate plea for attention on two wheels,” said Scott Disick. “I’ve milked motorcycling dry, and it’s time to move on to the next hobby I think other people think is cool.”
The helmet cover business has long relied on people with so little self-confidence that even full-faced helmets and tinted visors still aren’t enough to mask their insecurities.
“The best way to ensure people don’t get a glimpse of who you really are is to constantly force them to look at you for who you aren’t,” said Scott. “Green-headed, furry Scott holds up traffic by dancing at stoplights so that real Scott can slip away – free to address his dead-end job and alcoholic tendencies another day.”
Scott has already spent thousands of dollars forcing other people to acknowledge his vibe.
“I did everything by the book,” Scott said. “A modified Two Brothers exhaust system, sleeveless Icon armor, keychains that mention sex for some reason, and I even had seasonally-themed stuffed animals strapped to my passenger seat.”
Unfortunately, the growing popularity of TikTok and Instagram Reels has left Scott as just another blip on the attention-seeking radar.
“It’s time to pretend to be interested in something else that can help mask the fact that I’m not a particularly interesting person… like overlanding.”