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Dope Wheelies Don’t Count As ‘Finding Balance,’ According To Lame Therapist



Local motorcyclist, Howard Dully, has been informed that his balance-point wheelies are not helping him find peace and balance in life – surprising news considering motorcycling is the primary way he finds peace and balance in life.


This information comes from his therapist, a self-proclaimed counseling expert and world-proclaimed expert in all things lame, Dr. Tony Grouchi.


“Your own body and mind may be telling you that exercise, good diet, getting enough sleep, and exploring the world on a motorcycle is good for your mental health, but I can’t, in good faith, recommend any of these options for the simple reason that I don’t make any money off of them,” said Dr. Grouchi. “Plus, motorcycles quickly become dangerous when mishandled… Have you tried pills instead?”


Howard has elected to search for a second opinion in hopes that his long hours of parking-lot wheelie practice and watching Brian636’s YouTube channel don’t go to waste.


“It’s weird because the Trauma surgeons all tell me I should ride with less gear, the physical therapists recommend riding an Aprilia RSV4 sportbike, and THE DOCTOR thinks a 46-branded AGV helmet will help,” Howard said.


With so much conflicting information, Howard has decided to fire his therapist and just do what makes him happy.


“I truly believe everyone wants everyone else to be happy. Unless, of course, they don’t make any money off your happiness or you being happy reminds them they’re not happy… then your happiness is just dangerous to yourself and to society as a whole.”

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