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Direct Correlation Found Between Revving Engine At Lights And Enjoying Smell Of Own Fart

Top scientists have had a breakthrough in studying what causes certain motorcyclists to rev their engines incessantly while at red lights, stop signs, parking lots, in traffic, golf courses, near napping babies, and in close proximity to people who are clearly on important phone calls.

“Low IQ is a well-known characteristic of rambunctious revers, but it’s not as fool-proof as we’d like,” said Jeremy Lawrence, chief researcher for the Academy of Scientists & Scholars Handling Obnoxiously Loud Exhaust Squids (A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S).

The breakthrough came via an unlikely source, the name of the academy itself.

“We felt like we had hit a wall, but that’s when it hit us… what if the answer has been right in front of our noses this entire time?” said Jeremy. “Assholes are known for their farts. Could it really be that simple?” A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S. researchers got hard to work running focus groups and brain scans to see if their theory was correct. It was. “It turns out that 100% of people who can’t get enough of their own exhaust note, also can’t get enough of the scent of their own flatulence,” Jeremy said. “In fact, the number one reason these folks wear leather pants and klim gear is so that they can preserve the scent for as long as they’d like.”

Researchers feel they also have a good understanding as to why this correlation is so strong.

“It turns out that these people have damaged their hearing so severely via constant motorcycle revving that their sense of smell has become more powerful than ever; think Daredevil… but smells,” Jeremy said. “And since these people only think of themselves, this heightened smell now gives them the ability to smell their own DNA each time they pass gas.”

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