“I have trouble understanding how an all-powerful engine could allow such a bad thing to happen.” These were the hurt words of Derek Rodríguez, Deacon & member of the Church of K5, after Suzuki confirmed yesterday that it would be dropping out of MotoGP.
“I’ve been a dedicated follower of the K5 engine for most of my life,” Derek said. “Thanks to its teachings, I knew that if I stayed inline… four, and gave generously to the local Gapplebees, I’d find greater meaning in this world. Now I’m just not so sure. Curse you, K5 Engine!”
Derek isn’t the only one whose faith has been rattled by this recent news. Thousands of squids are putting away their “panty dropper” keychains, Two Brothers exhausts, powder coating, and other relics of the K5 church.
“I’m not sure who to even trust anymore,” Said Derek. “Word is getting out that one of the K5 Church’s greatest prophets, Barry Henning, might have been using a false identity this whole time. I obnoxiously shared his ‘Half-Price Hack?’ Revzilla video with everyone I knew that could afford a motorcycle with under 50k miles on it. I even named my dog, Dave The Boxxer.”
Many of the K5 Church members are taking this opportunity to move to an equally cult-like religion.
“Have you guys heard of the VFR?”