ADV Rider Shows Elite Talent By Standing An Obnoxious Amount On Freshly Paved Roads


Adventure motorcycle rider, Randy Neilson, is currently in the middle of an impressive display of ridesmanship as he has stood up no less than fifty-seven times on his 12-minute journey to get coffee.


“My body doesn’t merely sit upon the motorcycle, it is part of the motorcycle,” Randy said. “My lower body is one with the bike. My legs are like the suspension; soaking up bumps in the road. My c*ck is like the shock because when you sit on it it’s almost impossible to feel it working… which is a sign of a good one...right?”

Standing is a vital technique that’s usually used by riders who venture onto trails with large rocks, deep ruts, or water crossings. As someone who does none of these things, Randy is convinced it can also be used to navigate the urban jungle.


“Not many people know this, but you can get through anything if you stand up enough,” Randy said. “People think I’m exaggerating, but even doctors are now saying that sitting is the new smoking. That’s because you’ll get smoked if you try to keep up with us ADV folks sitting down.”


Using his 10 years of YouTube commenting experience and 10 weeks of riding experience, Randy feels more confident than ever in getting to Starbucks.


“It’s treacherous out there with the manhole covers, fast-food cups and those little reflectors in the road,” Randy said. “Also, I can see better over cars in front of me and it makes me more visible for other vehi… alright, fine. My underwear keeps riding up my crack and I’m trying to fix it.”


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